Melissa Kruger Q&A | Institute | Word First

so I'd say the first few questions are you ready for this I don't know we'll see we'll see what happens um no the first few questions I actually have to do like clarifying some points in your talk so I think that'd be a great place to start to kind of and like one of the the first ones we have is just could you repeat the definition of contentment I need my notes I know do you need your notes actually Chris do you have them cont oh I can I can say it I think I can prob um oh actually I think I can an nword an n W Assurance of God's goodness and sovereignty that produces peace and joy in the life of a Believer independent of outward circumstances yes so inward belief in God's goodness and sovereignty basically inward belief in God's character that overflows into joy and peace so like this restedness um and trust in him which joy is you know I mean kind of a and here's what I say that looks like so let's say I mean I was talking to them earlier um my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this January so what that doesn't look like is great news mom you I mean like that's but what it is is arresting in okay wow I don't I don't want this but trusting the Lord you know the Lord is in charge of this right and so it's settles me like what I'm not doing is churning up and saying why is this happening you I mean I even think I think that's a fine question ask I mean it's not like you can't say why is this going on but it's it's a settledness right that um allows you to say you know okay and and a joy in that I mean yeah I mean we can trust the Lord has a plan but he's also you know she she's a Christian so there's there's a joy grief of but sometimes we have hard situations where they're not a Believer I mean so there are there are really eternally hard situations sure and and that's a different level of trust in I love that you um because I do think that that is a um the southernness or but church we do go to Pat answers very quickly instead of dwelling um in grief yeah with people and it makes it very um I mean it makes God less real like if he's real we can talk to him we can grieve we can lament and we don't need to immediately jump to our believing friends of like well all things work together for God yeah like I mean that's true but if you say that too early yeah it is almost it takes away its profundity um and then yeah trusting for your unbelieving friends yeah that's next level and I would actually say we can sit in that grief for years like I what what you know I'm so glad you just said that because lamenting things that are lost it's not like that goes away in three months and that's okay I can still you know Paul says he's sorrowful yet rejoicing like the Paradox of the Christian Life is that we hold those tensions I can be really sorrowful for years over certain losses but joyful that I know the Lord's working through this so so we're holding things in tension not just one or the other right so good okay one of another clarifying question about how we plug into Jesus as our power source I think this maybe has to do with the what does it look like to abide yeah in Christ yeah the traditional means of Grace of the church are Bible reading prayer and the church itself and so if we want to know I mean you know always tell people it's like if I were to ask all of you how do you um maintain a healthy body you would say you eat right and you exercise now there is a whole diet industry trying to make that a lot more complicated than it is you know and and all these special ways but the basic is eat right and exercise you know we all know that that leads to a healthy body and I think a healthy soul is time in the word time in prayer and time with God's people yes it's simple but it's really hard to live it it is and yet it goes right back to that core of like our AO day what we were how God designed us we're designed to be in communion with him we're designed to be in communion with each other to love each other so yeah these are our means to do that awesome okay um third question is there ever a healthy discontent that's a great question right an appropriate time or situation to be discontent and how can you tell the difference between a healthy discontent and an unhealthy discontent that's right I think yeah I think there's a right holy discontent I should be pretty discontent about my sin like in the sense of I don't want to stay this way like Lord change me I think that's you there's there's also a I think a rightness to longing um for the world to be different than it is like there there's you know we should not be content that children suffer horrible things like let me say this contentment is not apathy um but it is also the ability to go forth in those things that we're really concerned about that are happening around the world and in our own culture a and being able to to say I'm going to do everything I can to make this better but an acceptance that I can't I can't change the world you know I think we live in this I mean it's a lot of pressure to change the world and I think we kind of raise kids now to think that and that you know like I mean I kind of hate it when people say World changer and they yeah and you're like that wow that's a lot to put on a 5-year-old exactly um and rather than just say hey make it your ambitious to ambition to lead a quiet life to work with your I mean the scriptures Point our Ambitions and so that doesn't mean it I think it means a contentment with saying I can I am a part of a body and so I might be the pinky in this body body M and I really matter cuz if your pinky is hurting yeah it really hurts or if your p i mean your whole body hurts or you whatever I I matter but it's not all up to me so I don't have to change the world I can entrust the world to to the Lord and then work with all my mind at what he's called me to do and and not be apathetic in that so it's it's the difference in apathy it's a contentment that actually leads to action because I don't have to solve everything I can contentedly work with all my efforts to what he's called me to do today that's such a good just general Theology of emotion and understanding that emotions move us so they can move us toward God or move us away from God and so there is a discontent that moves us toward god um in Repentance of sin or I also like that you pointed out like design and the body but also because I think a lot of I mean I talked to a lot of y'all um in my office and I know sometimes there's like discontent with a job for instance and you're so miserable and you just there is a Christian way of just being like well I'm I'm not supposed to be discontent so I just need to hunker down in this and try to feel better but it actually could be that you're not designed for this job your skills don't you know line up God is perfectly happy with you going um you know using that discontent moves you toward what he's designed you for that's right and I would say it's it's different to be like I don't enjoy my job that's just an honest thing like I don't like doing this versus a bitterness so when with the discontent we're talking about when we say it like leads us to coveting is this deep it's discontent in a sour sense yeah so um and and I would say it's usually anger manifest toward God like it it it goes toward God and then it overflows to people in our lives um well actually leads us to a a next question when you suspect a desire has gone sour as you described what are some practical ways advice to separate um well the wording was separate from the sour desire but maybe you know how do we repent yeah of that sourness and what are some step uh steps to take yeah I think the first thing that's helpful for me is actually just naming it I mean it really is helpful when I see and just just humbly going before the Lord and saying I'm really discontent and I mean I have to do this and it's embarrassing I've been speaking on this topic for 11 years now I'm like I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm the worst student ever um and just but but I've gotten used to the fact and and you know I I think at some point I had this mistaken notion that I was going to graduate from my need of Grace and I will say these inner desires keep me on my knees and and that is a Grace to me um I don't have it and and and just just acknowledging I'm really struggling and then what it does is when I can acknowledge it I start speaking the truth to myself yeah I start saying okay I don't want this but I know it's being entrusted to me Lord will you help me bear with it one day here's what here's what I think the real problem is we we go too too long we think I can't well I think we go to like I can't deal with this for six more months you might not have to you have to deal with it today I mean you might not be here in six months so you might be in glory yeah I mean like meaning that the reality is we we hold things in the six-month category whereas I think if if I'm asked the question can I bear this for today yeah I can normally whatever longing I can bear it for today and then I say in light of a turny ET can I entrust that the weight of the school like it it will it will seem small one day in light of Eternity you know we're going to look back on all this stuff and then and normally the answer is yes like in light of Eternity this is going to seem small it's when I'm looking six months I'm like I cannot keep doing this right I cannot keep doing this or I mean you go six months I go like a lifetime I can very much catastrophize like this is it um so yeah taking it day by day that's a wonderful advice um this next question um how can you discern or tell if a longing is god-given and there's also um another question later on but you know maybe more specific about longing for a a spouse or marriage and and believing that God actually does have that for you like you feel like if I had this longing would he have given me this desire so strongly if it wasn't something that he had for me um so maybe Discerning how can I tell if it's a god-given longing I think this might sound bad I I I think it it's just okay to just say I have the longing I I think when we put the god-given in front of it we're trying to be like that means he has to fulfill it yeah rather than just like I just have a longing right and it's it's just is um I was talking earlier we were meeting with the elders wives and I was telling them my hus husband and I have been Ministry together for years and we've actually never had a mentor couple who really walked through life with us and it's one of those that seems like a really good thing I mean it seems like a god-given longing that we would have this older couple who had really invested in us and prayed for us that we could go to and be like hey what should we do about this decision or that decision we've never had that um and one day it hit me and I and was just it's it's always been hard for me um and it hit me that this this is maybe just my know um lots of people get NOS some some of us never get married some people never have children never have biological children you know different things like some of us didn't come from families of origin that were healthy some of us you know sometimes we just get no and and and that's okay it could still be a really good thing to long for and the answer is just no yeah there's an Acceptance in that God's not bad there's a good reason that he didn't give us that I don't know what it is you know it seems like cuz in my mind as the dot right it seems like why on Earth wouldn't You' have given us mentors like you know it seems so obvious yeah but but but but it's just one of those things that was a good thing and I think a good longing right but it just was a no and I've been asked I've been entrusted to hold it yes and I think again remembering that um God has design or he knows the complexities of my heart sometimes these good longings that are unfulfilled are something like I love what you said about Grace like thinking you've graduated from Grace um when really weakness and or sinfulness is what is the doorway to receiving God's grace I mean if we were strong and perfect we wouldn't we wouldn't need it exactly um so this is a there are things like that that don't make sense in my life I think why in the world is this not happening um yeah it is the thing that keeps me asking him and looking for um and receiving his grace I just didn't think I would take this long to get better that's the constant thing I'm like I've been walking with the Lord for what I mean I can't do the math up here on stage for a long time now since I was 14 and I'm thinking I I think I just I was really a lot more comfortable with needing a lot of work at 15 and 16 cuz I was like well I just became a Christian but when you walk the Lord for 30 years you're like is he going to keep loving me right and the answer is yes but I act like this orphan yeah oh maybe I'm not good enough to still be in the family and he's like yes you are yeah yes you are I think that goes back to your point about sovereignty too like how much we limit God because we think um he convicted me of something and I learned something and so my heart is fixed in like we just underestimate the I mean God knows so much more about what's going on with us um so yes I can trust him in whatever he's teaching me and whatever hardship he's bringing to do that um because yeah of course he knows way more about these hearts that we that we walk around with right but it seems like it should be like okay that's done moving on that's done I know um okay these next questions are kind of geared around how to talk to other people about um their discontent or help and I think it's coming from the you know a good place of like helping and I would say um they kind of fall into the category of helping your believing friends and your unbelieving friends so um to start what are some heart probing questions that you could ask a friend whom you discern may be struggling with coveting and discontentment think it just got really dark feel a little bit scared um um that's a that's a good question I I'll be I think and this is going to sound bad and I don't mean it to it is actually because it's super hard to to give someone like hey here's the MV of even read it you need it um but but I have heard women say they did the book together and it just changed how they talk talk and so some of it is learning language around it cuz a lot I've had I've had 65-year-old women come up to me and say I struggled with this sin my whole life and I didn't know what it was right and so some of it is we just don't have the language because we're just still trying so hard to fix our circumstances right and that so we don't even know our problem we don't have the theological language to talk about it so I do think studying the topic of contentment and coveting does help give language cuz it is hard to go up to someone and say I think you're coveting I mean and I don't think anybody would say it that way people think coveting is so much about money and possessions and like for some people that's just really not an issue you know it's just not that big of a deal but there's always these inner longings and so but but if you're working with a friend I I think I think one thing to say is what can I specifically pray for today like what would you want the Lord to do in your heart as you're walking through this situ situation M yeah if it's because it's probably not going to change today but what what would what would you want the Lord to do in you today how can I pray for that so I think asking for you know it sometimes that gets them thinking what what could I ask for today right yeah and I yes to all of that and I love um actually the questions at the end of every you have a lot of discussion questions at the end of every chapter in that book that are very um would be very helpful and then I've also found that like um and a lot of times this is it's easier for me when someone literally comes to me asking for advice so I you know you have to be careful how you use this but I will say just asking if when they are describing something that someone has and they don't like are you rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep because so many times my discontent comes up when someone's rejoicing about something that I wish I had and yet that is the heart that God wants me to have that I could say wow wow I mean what an amazing thing like it should lead you into a place of worship of God for your sister that's right um and then that really pulls me up short because I think well no I'm not that's right I'm it's making me sad not happy that's right yeah so okay um so when you feel as though you're in a season of contentment okay how do you encourage close friends or family in your life that are suffering uh with discontentment or they're struggling with being content in Christ I I always start with prayer and I don't mean that as like a churchy answer I mean but honestly praying for them um and then I would I would say lamenting with them because we are holding hard things and and I think culturally we don't know how to lament you know I mean and and the Psalms are full of lament it's actually okay to be sad like I mean this is not not a polyana pull yourself up by your bootstraps type of Joy this is a I I can hold the sadness with you and I'm here for you and I'm going to be here for you if it's hard for a long time you and I I think it's okay here's the the the the Blessed Joy of life is I don't have to change someone else we just get to walk alongside them love and and and to say hey I'm here for you I'm going to keep praying you can keep being mad and I'm still going to love you and I I'm just going to pray that the Lord's going to heal you know and I I think I think we can walk alongside people a long time and do that yes um and that's what the Lord does with us exactly which was how you started your talk which I love that you made that point that we um that there's this is a learned thing and how do we learn we fail over and over and over again so yes we're going to be surrounded by people who are you know failing in their contentment but what a beautiful picture of Christ especially if you truly are in a season of contentment then I mean that's like god-given so that's right yeah and I would say actually people who have really learned contentment are extremely gracious with people who aren't aren that's right I would say if if it's been a hard one fight there's this deep understanding of of of people of sufferers um it's when it's actually is circumstantial that we tend to judge other people a and the Lord the Lord will the Lord will will work on us in that but I but I think when it's been the Spirit Rock contentment because we realize it's fully Christ and we Rejoice so much in him because we know it's nothing in of us that he has deeply changed us we are more prayerful because we say only the work of the spirit can do that um and so it continually points us we know it's all his right and and and yeah we say it's his grace that changed me so I'm going to pray that his grace can change this other person so there's really in this no room for judgment um when we really get that it's all his any anything good that has been wrought in me or in you is all his I've got nothing of judgment for other people I just want to tell them where the f is that they can get water right you know it's more like come drink here here yeah that's never going to satisfy which is so different than coming at them from a place of condemnation judgment right have you read the um the Jeremiah Burrow's the rare Jewel of Christian contentment so a Puritan writer he has like I've never seen someone the Puritans they have this way ofing out like 500 observations out of like one verse yes but when you were talking it remind me he has this observation that God is the only all-sufficient one so he truly is is the only one who is purely content um because it's all flowing out of himself he does needs no one nothing to be content right so it's the fullness but that is why we could only be content in him so yes all of these good gifts are only coming from him and when you realize that then you just want that for other people that's right yeah that's right it and another book I'll say if you because the art of divine contentment is a little longer I mean meaning it's not long but um if you're looking for a quick read that is like I think I underlined all of it it's called The Art of divine contentment it's it sounds I mean what a title right that's going to be on the but it's it's only about 80 Pages um it's a Puritan author uh the art of divine I think it's Thomas Watson okay it is so I mean so good there yeah it's just and it's not a long read Puritans can be a little bit hard sometimes but it's so good anyway I will say another good thing about Puritan writing though is you can take one page and sit with it for yeah a long time you don't have to read the whole thing one sitting have you have you heard voices of the past from the past I'll plug this too so voices from the past is a devotional um I think it's a year-long devotional it's just it's Puritan writing it's all put in a daily format so it's it's all these different Puritan voices but it's just one chunk with a verse for each day and I get more that's about all I can read in one sitting so it's amazing it's it's really good it's one my favorites okay of course I forgot to S put it so it doesn't sleep here we go um we're back on track um okay this is about talking to your unbelieving friends what would you say to a non-believer whose barrier to belief is suffering I mean this is a a tough one yeah I mean that's it's a huge question and I think it it's I I always fine when that's their question of us it's it's I I I often go with well tell me what you think about suffering in the universe how how in your worldview does that get satisfied because I actually think the Christian worldview has an answer for why suffering exists and it's the fall of Man right you know we have this fall so sin exists as a deviation of what is good um and and and we actually have a savior who came in into that and suffered immensely right and so we have a suffering savior we don't have a Victorious savior we have a savior who's on a cross yeah so we have the Savior who entered into the Human Experience who suffered deeply to redeem us you know and take us to a new Heaven and a new Earth so like the Christians hope suffering does get redeemed you know in in some sense um and what what I will say scripture doesn't tell us it doesn't tell us the why it doesn't tell us why is this the story um it just it tells us this is the story and and it the worldview to me holds together you know I can see what the scriptures tell lived out you know we see it all the time right um and and and so I would say the non-Christian actually has to explain suffering too is this just because we're all a bag of molecule and then we're all going to return to dust I I mean I have to say I hear that right and I'm like wow that's the most hopeless living right and why does anything matter I mean I have way more questions for them way more than I think they have for me and then you have like why so then why Beauty why love why music why art like the things that kind of transcend that nealis view of like nothing matters it's all going to death it's like well then yeah what are these desires that we have for why is there evil why is why is it wrong for someone to be in pain right I don't think they can answer that question why why can't I just shoot you because nothing matters right if there's no God I mean the whole of existence I can't I can't even explain why pain matters like that's a moral claim to say that pain is a bad thing right and you have they I mean so I have so many more questions for the non-believers so that's probably not going to help them cuz I'm like tell me about what you believe I do not understand it I me yeah so they think we're crazy but I I don't know how they get up in the morning right and and then if it's your also what you were saying about just um really sitting with suffering like us not to be afraid of our own suffering or the suffering of others to be the kind of person who can um grieve with someone to grieve with an unbeliever um they also don't I mean again to your point when a unbeliever is going through something terrible they don't get any comfort real Comfort I mean it's just a bunch of um Pat answers for them as well and yet you have something more profound and loving and then in your very demeanor as it's pouring out yeah um it is the greatest apologetic yeah yeah okay um oh okay so questions about enduring um so what advice or encouragement could you give us for endurance in waiting and weariness and contentment we talked about this a little bit um earlier I think I just sometimes think we forget to read our Bibles meaning we forget what the Bible actually says so the Christian Life in the Bible is described in three ways it's described as a race it's described as childbirth and it's described as a war it is not described as a white picket fence you and that's what we we have taken the American dream and I think we've made that the Christian hope um whereas everything in scripture is constantly pointing us to like it's going to be hard and it's like I just don't want to hear that you know I mean cuz like Jesus is saying hey you know actually when they kill you they're going to think they're doing a service to God that's what he warns his disciples with I mean that's these are The Parting words when they kill you they will be they will be thinking they are righteous in what they do um he says in this world you're going to have trouble take heart I've overcome it and so he's constantly pointing them to the next World and and I think um you know we just we forget what the scriptures actually teach about these things and so we're not ready you we're we're we're we act around like surprised and stunned by our Liv am too I realize every time I'm like oh I don't have a health wealth gospel and then something hard happens I'm like why is this happening to me and you know I'm constantly perplexed I was teaching a few weeks ago actually on the um Jesus in the the storm that came up on the Sea of Galilee and here the kicker is Jesus tells them hey come with me on the boat and then this storm kicks up and these are seasoned fishermen you so these aren't like wimps when it comes to storms like these are seasoned fishermen and they're like don't you care about us we're going to die you I mean like they're the storm is terrible that whips up on them and it whipped up on them precisely as they're following Jesus and you I think we just forget that we're just not promised an easy Road here and it's when we forget that that we're so shocked by it rather than just kind of I think endurance is going to come to us when we actually accept that we're really going to need it and like that this life is hard um it actually prepares us to do it better it's when we don't think it's supposed to be hard that we're constantly shocked all the time right and so we're not prepared I don't know so I think some of it is just keep reading our Bibles and keep reminding ourselves of the truth of what it says you know yeah and I think um this next question kind of goes at it a different way because it actually talks about or it asks um how do we properly grieve the things we long for and don't have without falling into discontentment and I do think that that's part of the the weariness and the longing is maybe we're not grieving and lamenting so um any advice there yeah I I actually think it is okay to just say and here's what I find with discontentment or and even with grief there and I think there's a big difference grief will hit you in waves I don't know if if you've ever gone through a season of grief it's going to be super intense at the beginning and then I I find it just hits one day and you'll wake up in tears about something that happened a long time ago and that grief hits and I've learned to just embrace it right you because I'm like what's wrong with me why am I not over there yeah start you know and rather just hold it and take it to the Lord and say help me yeah this still really hard what you know sometimes we don't even know why we feel it but the the longing that I mean it could be something that happened to you 10 years ago that because certain things just don't get answered here um some longings we think can be solved like maybe maybe in a year or two I'll find a spouse some losses you know like the the loss of a loved one you know it's gone the person's gone and so there's just a ho in it that we have to get used to and I I think constantly just go to the Psalms of lament sit in them and and let the Lord um I I I think just comfort you in them and remind yourselves of the truths of who he is and that this is being used somehow for good even when we can't see it and reminding ourselves of that I think really just right justes help but but it's just okay it's okay to feel the grief yeah I think we've told ourselves it's somehow not Christian and it just I I think learning learning really the art of lament and sitting in things is and sharing it with each other um because I do think I know when I was younger with good I mean I experienced grief and discontent but the discontent I think like when you hear these kinds of um talks and teaching and preaching and you feel convicted and you want to do it but there is a part of you that also doesn't believe that you're ever going to feel differently um it's like you may have a heart for obedience and you do it but you're also like I don't really feel different um and it's hard to imagine that you really will um grow in that communion and just content satisfaction in Christ and I just know there's so in fact I know I see some friends in this audience who um have just been so become So Beautiful by engag in this struggle of um trusting the Lord and dwelling in scripture and grieving with others and they really have become very solid people like that picture that CS Lewis gives us in the great divorce of like the people in heaven how they were very solid and it's like it's real I mean I do think that when you're young in your faith um that sometimes you think is that ever going to be true of me but God promises that it absolutely will be true it's an inevitability yeah just keep going doing the things that um he's so graciously taught us to do okay now we have some questions about some specific things let's see um one of them is well okay here's a question about the dream wall um concept that you talked about can you give some examples of how to reframe ideas that we might initially put on that wall maybe good desires that just need to be reframed in the right way yeah you know I would say actually I would put the Lord's Prayer maybe on your dream allall like basically the Lord's Prayer when they said Lord teach us how to pray what that is is teach us what to desire and how does it start our father who AR in heaven Hallowed Be Your Name notice what Jesus sets their desire on first God's name being glorified now that so he sets the desire your will be done your kingdom come do you realize what a huge shift that prayer is from how we normally think about our desires like and so I I I almost have to start some prayers saying that's that's really not at the top of my list today Lord let me pray that first like it's this re the Lord even through prayer is reshaping what we should desire and it's it's a subtle thing right that that he's teaching us go for this put that on your dream ww right so what what what what I've realized is that prayer is your will be done your kingdom come that's a prayer for for for me to embrace whatever comes to this day may I may I do your will yeah and and just is such a shift so I I think that's and that might sound over spiritual it's really a good discipline for our mind to to set it you I mean the scriptures tell us set your mind on things above that's an active practice um and so I really do think we need to desire spiritual things and they will transform how we interpret physical realities and so that's what I mean when I say put a better dream wall it it's okay to pray for a husband or for kids or I mean all that for healing like of course we should pray give us our daily bread that's another one of the prayers but he starts us somewhere else so always start with the first and then get to the Daily Bread get to get to those longings and just hold them before the Lord and say I I trust that you will give this when it is best for me and that anything you are not giving me today is my best for me right and that's that's the way we hold them but we can still continually ask don't stop asking yeah um that's um um you're making me think of you know obviously we know King David is a man after God's Own Heart so obviously all of his prayers and the psalmist you know really shaped his heart and then I think it's Stephen in the book of Acts when he's recounting all of scripture and what he says about David is that he submitted to the counsel of God's will for his life and then he slept um but that heart allows you to submit to the the counsil of God's will God's will for your life these circumstan so connec that spiritual prayers help us reshape our um desires for things in the world definitely way to go um okay this is a specific question about like life and Atlanta so it seems this but I'm guessing this is probably true of Charlotte too it seems like Atlanta has a culture of keeping up with the Joneses how do you keep out of the race and teach your children to do the same yeah that is Charlotte Charlotte is like Atlanta um we moved to Charlotte part of why I wrote this book was Charlotte just didn't say that um we moved from we were living in a little flat in Edinburgh Scotland I was telling them earlier about I had my first baby and socialized healthc care that's a whole story for another day um but you know I lived on a little one-bedroom flat we did not have a professionally decorated Nursery we did not have a nursery we had a corner of the bedroom you know I all these discussions about rooming in with your baby I was like that is our only option because we have one bedroom um and you know um then we left there we moved to Charlotte and I and we were actually living in someone's basement um because again we made I think the year Emma was born we made $2,000 and so we were living in someone's basement and and this was you know a old brown panel wall basement yeah like I with cement showers and like no bathtub for like so I was bathing my child at the sink and all these things and I was I was in this world where all my friends we had all gone to Chapel Hill together you know they are living in 3,000 4,000 foot professionally decorated homes and telling me yeah we just need more space and I was I was like wow okay we just need more space but what I recognized was it was not making them happier they were stressed out by their meeting with their professional decorator to get it all done and it's just so much to do and I got to shop so much and buy so many things like they were stressed out right and I just recognized wow I I moved to Scotland with literally five suitcases that's what we took and we were pretty happy and I realized it just it just stuff can can waste your life mhm and I think part of part of how you don't get into the r race is just don't play the game just just believe there's so many more better things that than than these things and it that doesn't mean it's you can still have that stuff I I I mean like we live in a home that's wonderful um I love the house I live in but it's not owning me and that's a different thing sometimes your possessions start to own you um and so I'm actually super thankful that I I can look back on those days and be like we were okay we were okay I'm thankful we we had a little it's allowed me to enjoy when we have plenty I mean like my Mike and I laugh we like remember we used to think it was such a big deal to get like a soda at dinner like that was like a big luxury um and we we can we can remember it it being really hard and I I think um there's a lot of peace with just saying I'm I'm not going to play the game and it's it's really been interesting with our kids because our kids have been in a private school I I remember a few years ago I drove through the parking lot I'm like wow these kids have super nice cars who knew and my kids and this is where I really want to say our kids there's a really convicting verse in the Old Testament it's in Kings and it said while the people were serving the lord they were wor no while the people were worshiping the Lord they were serving their idols and their children and grandchildren did the same your children know what you love and you know I never once heard from my kids oh I wish I had this car sons who has that car they're hilarious they're like we're fine I love my old I mean they have the oldest cars and they really it doesn't bother them right but it's just never been something in the family we cared a lot about and and that's is a gift to give them they're freed up to do a lot of things so I just think um you not living in the race will help them not live in that race they're going to they're going to look at your life and and think differently as they see you right and it goes back to your other points about how do you even cultivate this in the P first place of abiding in Christ yeah um you know devouring his word um coming to church having these discussions and it truly absolutely the more you grow in your contentment in Christ the actual then you can actually enjoy the things that he gives you because I know for my neighbors and think what's crazy to me is they'll get like you said the beautiful things and they can't even enjoy it they're either so upset about um people messing it up or losing it or that it wasn't done perfectly and I I have fallen in this um this trap as well and then you think what am I I can't even enjoy the nice things that I have um when God does allow you to have these things so it's like being it is you're not not even free when you have them if you're not cultivating this life in Christ that's right and and and I think one of the biggest things in that in this whole thing is viewing ourselves as a steward rather than an owner so like one of my friends I mean her husband's a professional golfer they have lots of people looking at their life they have a beautiful home they you know all all these things and we T she lives one of the most missional lives of anyone I know they do they are using what the Lord has given them for the kingdom they're they're Absolut I she'll tell me stuff they're doing I'm like I just want to be like I just love how you take this stuff and you're stewarding it well so yeah if if you you have a country club Miss Country Club membership or what all the stuff don't be ashamed of it use it use it that's your inroad to share the gospel with someone there just don't be owned by it just say this is the life the lord gave me I mean it doesn't mean you have to give it all way or what use it though use it all for the kingdom throw it all down but but you know don't think getting more is going to make you happier because it's not no it doesn't um okay let's see oh well here's a question about social media I don't even know if you is it even possible to scroll social media and not C it if so how huh okay I mean my my answer is I think so I think so um it must be I here's what's funny I and I don't know how you feel about this I worked in women's ministry for about 10 years so I I walked into church and what was on my feed was in my mind was oh I need to check in with her because she miss carried last week oh I need to check in with her because you know her husband's been struggling with porn and I need to check in with her I need to check in with her because she's been struggling in relationship with the reality of what I knew made me interpret social media completely different so if you want an antidote to the LIE of social media get to know real people and I mean get to know them be a safe place where they can unload their burdens with you and when you do that you will not believe the lie of anything you see on there so part of it is just I just don't believe it I I don't think anyone's lying I know I'm seeing a sliver sliver yeah and and and so what I try to do is again go on social media and use it yeah we need Believers there share a verse be the crazy person who keeps posting Gospel Coalition article you don't know who might be reading it I post that stuff all the time and I'm like everybody I'm just out I'm out as a Christian on social media and they're all going to think I'm crazy but I'll notice sometimes my neighbor across the street who never goes to church she like something to post I'm like huh that's interesting you they're watching um I don't know if you've listened to this interview Colin Hansen just did with ma Molly I can't remember her last name start with the w she's a professor at UNCC where I went where my kids my daughter just graduated from she became a Christian but one thing she noticed as this professor she's looking at people's computers and she had seen Summit Church on a lot of their computers and people are watching yeah what what they're seeing and so the more we're putting out good stuff in these public places right yeah we can use these things but so I do I I would say the antidote is getting to know real people in real lives if if yeah yeah that's great I love that um okay well y'all we have um run out of our time but it does feel like maybe like one more question about just um there's a question about holding on to your longings um can you explain they I guess they want a little bit more talk about holding on to your longings shouldn't we surrender longings rather than holding on to them and maybe this is just uh explaining what you mean by that but um do you want to end on that note of maybe having a greater I feel like this kind of goes into your point about the greater longing yeah yeah I mean like where these longing come from yeah I think there's I think there's a little bit of life that says I'm Yours Lord mhm so I guess that's a surrender it's not a surrender of longing it's a surrender of every cell in my being right to Jesus and saying take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee yeah so yeah it's all yours let me take this person and by your grace let me live For Your Glory so yeah it's actually not just our longings it's our entire life and and I'm going to tell you like a seed that falls to the ground and dies it it it it doesn't remain alone but it actually grows and bears much fruit you know so it's actually in the laying down of a life that that we live a life that matters and so I think I think the more we try to cling the less we actually have but the more we just open up our arms and say may it be to you yeah I think of Mary when she greets the angel and she says actually a picture I have an a piece of artart that hangs and it's Gabriel talking to Mary and her you it's this image that I keep in my mind and I say may it be to you may it be to me as you as you have said that image of just this full embracing of something she didn't understand right she she clearly didn't what on Earth are you saying is going to happen to me exactly and yet she got to be the mother of Jesus you know I mean she just she obeyed and said I will do whatever you ask of me right and and that's that's I think so it's yeah it's a surrender but much bigger than just your longings yes exactly uh this has been wonderful felt like it went really fast I don't know about y'all but [Music] um um yeah so make sure you uh if you didn't have a chance to look at the book or get the book it's available out there and I just um pray that y'all all have a safe trip home and look forward to this next time um being together but I just feel like I want to pray one more time here to ask the Lord to um really plant these truths in our hearts father again um thank you so much for your love and grace toward us tonight um with such beautiful um truth your law truly is um Beautiful Lord and we desire it we desire to be taught by you we desire to be changed um by you and we just need your help Lord and so I pray as we are convicted of these things um that we would just repent easily and um turn towards you but also trust Lord that it's a process and that you're so gracious with us and um patient and will continue to teach us and change us and so I just pray Lord that we would go out of here with um as women whose hope is such a light that people would again ask us um why and we pray these things in Jesus precious name amen amen