Melissa Kruger | The Key to Contentment | Word First

[Music] welcome to the Rich Young and Powerful podcast this is the place where we help average givers become everyday philanthropists I'm your host Andrew McNair a financial commentator author nine figure wealth manager and philanthropist 2 I'm going to show you how to give more how to find more fulfillment and help you impact the causes that you care about the most because when a giver gives more they receive and become more and I hope that you have your Journal handy today because you're going to need it we're talking about a critical topic for your life and that's contentment and our special guest speaks on this topic often and I thought she'd be the perfect guest to talk about contentment she is the author of multiple books including Envy of Eve she's a VP at the Gospel Coalition Melissa Krueger welcome to Rich Young and Powerful thanks so much for having me well I want to jump right into the book what was the inspiration to write the Envy of Eve yeah you know I um had moved back to the States from living overseas and I had moved to a city um I live here in Charlotte North Carolina um and if you know anything about Charlotte it's a huge banking City and I was struck by the fact that I had left you know a really tiny flat in Europe and Scot right yes we were in Scotland that's exactly right living a little one-bedroom flat I had my first baby over there we you know didn't have a separate Nursery didn't have all the things that in the states it seems that we need and I was really struck by the fact that um obtaining more which I saw all over the city of Charlotte was not doing much to provide um more happiness in fact it just seemed to be this constant hamster wheel of okay you get the 3000t home now you need the 6,000 ft home and now you you know it was decorated just fine but now you need a professional decorator and all of these things and so I was watching this progression um and I saw it in my own heart as well you know when you're 16 you think if you can just finish high school and get to get into the right College your life is going to take shape then you get into college and you realiz if I can just get the right job everything will be okay then you get the job you're like just find the spouse and then the kid life is this constant looking at the next stage and hoping it will fulfill our dreams and so it was it was that was happening in my life and it was meeting with my study of scripture and which I was seeing um I was actually saying the Book of Joshua and I came across this uh this passage with with Joshua well it wasn't with Joshua it was with achen and it it um basically he stole um this robe and this gold from the plunder in in their first battle in the promised land and um it says that he saw he coveted he took and he hid and I realized these inner desires weren't merely um safe little desires that just sat in our hearts and really didn't have any effect on our life but they actually leaded to they led to bad action um and that these Covetous desires that were in our hearts would actually lead us to do things that were were wrong and harmful to others so they weren't safe desires they were actually harmful desires and so that led me to study this concept a lot more the sea covet take and then hide you know when I heard that from you I thought about one character that came up uh is and it one of these passages that I think if we're not careful we'll Overlook is the parable of the rich fool in Luke and he sees this Bountiful Harvest and what does he do he covers more barns he says I have this Bountiful Harvest I need more barns so that I can hoard and hide and he plans to build more Barnes and his life is going to be called from him that very night and so I I think you're exactly right and I love how in the book you talk about these different characters that you see this theme over and over of see covet and hide and I think that is so important for us uh in our daily lives to make sure that we're aren't falling into the same trap that's right and it's actually all over scripture in ways that you probably it starts in the in G in the garden um Eve followed the exact same pattern she saw the fruit she coveted the word there is commod it's the same word that's used for covet in other parts of the scriptures she saw she coveted she took and she hid you know hid under fig leaves tried to do that but you see it with David and ba Sheba he saw her he coveted um he took her and then he hid his actions of what he had done um so it's really interesting as you study in scripture this happens over and over and it it actually um the place we see it most heartbreakingly is actually with the Pharisees they the scriptures tell us it was out of Indie that they wanted to kill Jesus and so if you we think of coveting as kind of that last sin at the end of The Ten Commandments that doesn't harm anyone well it's exactly it's exactly what took Christ to the cross uh was the sin of cting and envy and so we think it's a pretty harmless sin um but it is incredibly destructive it's it's you know one of the puren authors calls it um the mother sin because it births all the others well I know it's something that I've struggled with my entire life and as someone that identifies as an ambitious person can someone be ambitious yet content Melissa absolutely I I think it's being ambitious for the right things um you see this all the time time with Paul I mean what he was ambitious he was incredibly ambitious what was he ambitious for he said you know I want to know Christ I want to yeah he knew Christ but he still wanted to know him and the power of His Resurrection The Fellowship of his sharing and his sufferings like so his ambition was probably not what most of us would say our Ambitions are um the scriptures also tell us to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life isn't that interesting in our in our world that says you current context actually you need to live this radically bold life um and post about it often yes yes yes exactly make sure everyone knows you're living the radical bold life um it says actually make it your ambition to live a quiet life to work with your hands um and so it's really interesting I think um ambition has gotten a bad name bad maybe bad name out there sure um I think it's just what we're putting it towards and so as we come to faith in Christ I think he takes Godly ambition um and puts you know really allows it to Bear much good fruit I mean Paul had a deep ambition to go and preach the gospel where it had never been preached that's ambition um it was just toward the ends of um people knowing the Lord and God being glorified that's always a right ambition I mean the you know the Lord's Prayer is an ambitious prayer um may your will be done may your kingdom come may your name be declared holy like yeah prayer in some sense is laying out what we deeply desire before the Lord so I think ambition is fine it's often centered on self and anything that's centered on self is going to go Ary at some point and I think what what's very hard is for a business owner that's listening right now they they may want to be content but their fear is is if I'm content will I have to settle for the status quo yeah it's an honest fear yeah it is what what I will say this is contentment is not apathy contentment is not in opposition to hard work um so I like to actually Define contentment um as an inward disposition of joy and peace that is independent of out Outer circumstances so what that doesn't mean is that we are not working hard that we're not striving for for good things that we're not trying if you know if you're whatever your business is try to be the best at it that's a good thing um but but we always have to question now we can try to be the best but what are we willing to sacrifice on that altar so so the real question is am I trying to work hardily as for the Lord or am I trying to work hard hardly for myself or my money or for personal glorification in some sense that's going to be really different and that's going to lead to a lot of discontent ultimately um but an attitude of contentment is not in opposition um to one feelings of sadness um it's not in opposition to to feeling of hey I want to I want to do something with my life that's a good thing to say Lord what have you put me on this Earth to do I've only got so many years here let me use them well I mean that's Godly Godly and good ambition to want to be wise with our time and wise with our money and wise with the years the Lord has given us so I I think um contentment isn't apathy It's always important to note that now as someone because I believe your as someone in ministry as and your spouse is also uh te is a president of Theological Seminary is that correct that's correct yes so I'm sure you've seen this either in someone you know friends family maybe yourselves and your own family what about even when you're you're driven you're ambitious for the Lord and the and God's will but you start to suffer burn out and you think well I'm doing the work of the Lord but I don't feel content what do you do in that scenario yeah I think it's always good to ask ourselves um just some questions I like to see I mean and I would Define a lack of contentment as a lack of the fruit of spirit in my life so if I'm not seeing love joy peace kindness gentleness self-control this if this fruit aren't being born in the work I'm doing um that's a sure sign that discontentment and unbelief is brewing in my heart um and so I rather than what what I always want to warn against is this isn't a place for condemnation this is a place for reflection so often we say oh my goodness I wasn't kind I'm gonna work really hard and be kinder tomorrow um rather than say hey am I am I really aided in the vine um maybe there's reason there's no fruit on my branches because I I actually am trying to live a life independent of Christ and independent of his Spirit at work in me and I'm trying to work in my own power rather than depend on him and so I see um a lack of contentment as a sign that I need to abide in in Christ in new ways and I need to be drinking from The Well of scripture and I need to be spending time with the Lord so it just might it might be showing my priorities are off and I need more time in the word and prayer and with God's people um and and that is you know look we're all going to go through seasons of dryness um Psalm 1 talks about that you know that when the drought comes um we want to be like those that tree that's planted by the stream of water so that we continually have refreshment but drought is going to come um hard times are going to come for any of us and so honestly we're just going to have to one accept that but be people who are planted by the word and and and drinking it in often if we're going to prevent um burnout in a major way that's great if if someone is facing that that dry spell what are what are some of the biggest obstacles that you're seeing for contentment yeah I mean honestly it's what we start putting our hope in so um I know for me when I'm feeling dry and burn out I can start hoping in vacation I can start hoping in maybe my spouse will notice how hard my life is and he will take care of me in a certain way I can hope in you know children doing everything right I can hope in um my boss noticing my work and you know praising it I I can start placing my hope in a lot of areas that really can't satisfy the soul in the way that we need it so again and again I have to remind myself I'm not going to find contentment in those things those things are good and right you I mean everybody needs a vacation we should be doing that um but I can't trust that it's going to give me contentment I have to find that as I deeply root myself in the Lord and spend time with him and realize that he's going to change me and satisfy me um in a way that is going to yield contentment but it's going to be understanding his character and studying it in such a way that I began to put my trust in him not the things of the world and that's a huge shift that takes years of fighting um to really keep keep our mind focused on trust the Lord not in my circumstances it's so easy to Hope in this world because it's right before us and we're called to be people who hope in the Lord and that is that's something we all have to train our mind to go back to again and again put my hope in the Lord for I will yet praise him I love that I mean training our mind is so important because you're right I mean it's constantly everywhere is the lack and constantly ads or telling you that you're lacking that your life would just be fulfilled if you just had this and it it's an empty empty promise um let's talk about creating habits that help someone stay content and I I love habits because anytime you can add Rhythm to your life it makes it a lot more that you're abiding more often uh so what habits would you recommend to stay content I think um we pray for it you know I mean we ask the Lord Make Me content I'm not and we and we confess let maybe let me start with that we confess when we're not I think confession has gotten kind of out of Vogue um unless you're doing it publicly to make sure no one gets upset with you but just the heartfelt confession before the Lord and saying hey I am not content I'm really discontent I'm feeling like that person got promoted and I didn't I'm feeling like um I thought I'd be a different place in my career at this point in my life whatever whatever we're feeling discontent about um we can take it to the Lord and just lay it before him and say I'm really discontent about this and we can ask one could will you change my circumstance that's that's okay to ask that's not in opposition to contentment um but we can also just say Lord will you make me content even if nothing changes um and we me yeah yeah and we believe he has the power to do that and um and that is I would say a mighty witness to the watching world to be people who are content whatever whe whether we're second fiddle whether we're um standing on the podium in first place whether we're third place whatever we might be to show that we're content in all things yet still working hard again not by any way abdicating hard work you know those type things but we are we are actually putting our full selves into this but we're just content with what what the Lord does with our Harvest that's so good I mean that's so good I love the just the visual of a harvest because at the end of the day all you can do is plant the seed you can water it you can pull the weeds but at the end of the day you have to leave the growth up to the Lord and when you go to bed content that hey I I put in as much as I can and if if it's up to me it will fail and luckily it's up to the Lord to fulfill the growth that's right you know I heard this from a podcast recently with Arthur Brooks that satisfaction is halves divided by once and that we need to spend more time decreasing our wants what do you think about that is there anything you would like to add to that I would say it a little differently I I would say we need to have better wants and we should have bigger wants I actually think we ask for too little and um we spend our life uh asking for circumstances to go better when what we actually need is a heart transplant and so I I always tell people hey what would it look like I remember a while ago there was a um popular notion of putting a dream wall up and a popular writer wrote that on her dream all was you know being on the cover of Forbes having a place in Hawaii and meeting some famous person you it was it was one of those dream walls and I was like wow you know here's what I know about my own heart if I had the home in Hawaii guess what I'd probably be discontent because my kids are bringing in the sand there's dirt all over it no one appreciates how hard I work to get this house in Hawaii and if I was on the cover of Forbes I probably be like I hate that they picked that picture I wish I would have worn a different outfit yeah what I need is actually something way more so I think what would my life look like if I'm so transformed in way um that my heart is content whether in plenty or in want um whether full or whether hungry whether being beaten um for the sake of the Gospel or whether being put on a big stage for the sake of the Gospel what if I could be content no matter what my life held wow now that is something spectacular to ask for and so I would say we ask for too little we should ask for the bigger prize which is Lord give me contentment in all things change me so that I'm that kind of person um that's way better because we know we know from looking around this world we know from what the scripture teaches that rain falls on the good and the bad um all of us are going to face seasons of hardship so let's just ask the Lord for for bigger things rather than lesser things I love that you know we started with the title of your book The Envy of Eve it does contentment show up differently maybe in a man's life versus a woman's life because if you stop there at the cover you think oh maybe this is just a a book for ladies but that's not the case yeah um that's a great question I I read that and I was like oh that's really good I don't think I've been asked that before um and what's interesting about the book is the examples that we look at are Kora David Joshua so there are three men it's definitely it just started with Eve but um but but we all um I think male and female I think the pattern is the same the SE something we want we covet it we take and let me say we take in a variety of ways that doesn't mean you know we're just like all stealing like stuff from people's houses I mean we can take from someone's reputation by gossiping about them um we can take from someone's Joy by being kind of sour about whatever is making them happy there are a lot of ways we can take and then hiding what we've done I think the pattern is pretty similar male or female probably the object that we're covering coveting can be pretty pretty different um yeah for really for all people like I mean what I might yearn for could be completely different than what another woman might yearn for but I do think you'll see patterns I mean you go on Instagram it's going to look really different than like Twitter um and men tend to use Twitter more and women tend to use Instagram more and you just see there are differences in what we're what we're after but um it's hard to probably categorize those specifically because every individual is different um but I I think there are definitely patterns you can see um on on what we what we yearn for out of life I like that um and it's so true I I've also heard a pastor talk about how many of The Commandments all Resort back to stealing if you I mean it's because you're stealing like murder is stealing someone's life and so um it is fascinating a deeper look into that they all have that common uh about taking um but I wanted to ask this you know as someone that again has struggled with contentment many times in my life I I wish sometimes that a a brother sister in Christ would have came to me and spoke into me because you talked about how to stay in commit commitment uh contentment is to you know commune with the Saints so what what how do you approach a brother or sister that's struggling with contentment someone like myself that's struggling with contentment and you see that in someone that they're suffering from that what do you say to them well first of I think we have to be pretty careful about judging it because because it is inner inward um it's hard to know um I I compare it to two jugs of milk in the fridge um two people can be you know having the exact same desire that jug of milk but you start pouring it out when you start seeing the chunks you know that milk is sour and um so when we start seeing you know a real a real unkindness toward people um a lack of Love toward people and impatience with people there's probably some discontentment behind it that we can call one another out on I always like to do that by asking questions like hey so um you know depending on your relationship with the person you know do you think um you it's always tender whenever you're pointing out someone's oh my is so hard but I hopefully you you have to have a close relationship to get that deep hopefully you're you're KN to KNE with someone and you're talking to them and you're interested them and you genely care about them I should practice all of that before you go to someone uh to try to correct a brother but what are some questions you would ask yeah because one thing I'll say on that you definitely don't want to think the person with the most toys must be discontent that's not necessarily true or the most money I mean some of the wealthiest people I know are the most generous with their money and they just don't even think about their money that much right and so so that's the things you sometimes you you look oh it's got to be that person with that house they're probably you really discontent they might not be at all it just might be their taking what the Lord's given them and they're using it wisely so yeah it's always it's relative right you know someone may say well that that house is way too large well if it's a very very very small percentage of their income well that's not really fair to throw stones at that person's Windows that's that's right so what you're looking for is rather than the car they're driving or the size of their home you're looking for the attitude that's coming out of their life um are they perpetually angry um are they impatient with others are they unkind and those things you can call them on hey it seems like you know you're just not very very happy with your life right now what's going on in your heart what you know what what do you think would satisfy you and how can we like really peel back those layers and realize it's probably not going to satisfy you to get X Y or z um and then and I think asking the question what would it look like to trust the Lord with what with what is lacking um in the meantime like what would you like your life to look like while you wait for X Y or Z to happen um how would you like to be handling this and what difference does that even make and I think sometimes just asking good questions can help someone else come to certain conclusions themselves and say huh but I I don't even think most people think that discontentment is a problem um and so sometimes it does take work in our common culture to really have to show that hey discontentment is the root of unbelief um we're not believing something about God um I think it was Thomas Watson said that discontentment is merely the echo of unbelief um I think we're pretty content with being discontent in our society that you're supposed to always be hungry and wanting more um and so I think we have some work as the church to do to actually show that discontentment is a heart problem that is damaging to our soul and so that takes some work absolutely and I I think I talk about this in my book that many times the American dream is a Dream It's always out there it's always you know elusive it's always something we're chasing and if you're not careful that becomes the American Nightmare to always be on this rat wheel of winning then thinking like when that happens I'll finally be content I'll finally have reason to be content when we should be content all along and I love the analogy of milk because uh the other reason before chunks is that smell and the aroma of you to Christ is if we're being poured out as an offering we should have an aroma that is caught by unbelievers and Believers if we're practicing the fruits of the Holy Spirit which again are directly cont uh connected to contentment absolutely um I I do love looking at relationships between words and I see this in in your teachings that you talk about is you know coveting and contentment there there's a relationship there just like there's a relationship with gratitude and and generosity it's like how can I how can I be so grateful but not generous is is there a direct relationship with any of these four words coveting contentment gratitude generosity absolutely um and I think if we're if we're really going to look at you know gratitude and contentment they both flow from a heart that sees everything as a gift um and so it's very different to look at my life and say all the things I have are not mine even my personality even my intelligence you know I mean these things we claim as our own and so therefore we think we have a right to them but definitely our possessions when I see myself as a steward rather than an owner um it's going to lead to contentment and to gratitude because I'm just trying to Steward well what God has given me um and I'm just trying to be grateful for what God's given me and use what I have to glorify him rather than use what I have to make much of myself those are two different things and so I think the root of how we view what we've been given um and the responsibility that that entails because we've been asked to Steward things greatly changes us to be people who are thankful people like look at what you've given me Lord I don't I don't deserve this intent they they definitely go hand in hand whereas a Covetous person is not going to want to be giving to other people because they're constantly feeling like hey in the measuring stick of God's love he's loved that person more than me so why should I give that person should give a lot like if you're constantly thinking about hey harry over there he should be giving some more um it's probably a sign that we're discontent and we probably need to check our own heart well rich is always someone else like rich is always someone else and what if that this special time in history where we have more more we don't have poverty we have riches that we can compare to any other time in society that especially in the American church that maybe we don't have all of this financial abundance for ourselves maybe this financial abundance is to spread and utilize that we can help the unreached people group uh find the gospel and hear about Christ maybe that's why we're all rich rich is not someone down the street that we know that should give it's us that we should give and and if we start asking that question maybe rich is me maybe that would start saying well I should be a little bit more generous and if I'm struggling with being generous then there's a relationship with my gratitude because if I am grateful in my day of salvation I should be just hand over fist trying to give my money away and my resources and my time because this gospel has Eternal Stakes uh for Souls literally billions of souls that have never heard the name of Christ before that's right and what a wonderful thing to that the Lord allows us to participate in that like we get to say with David I'd rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked so it's actually we feel privileged to give yeah I mean that this is like wow I'm being invited into the most important work in the universe and so yeah I I'll jump in I you know this is eternal rewards this is a Heavenly inheritance so we're building for what can never perish spoil or fade um that's the best investment plan you can ever look to think about your dollars today I mean a lot of us will maybe invest it in a shirt or a couch or whatever it's all gonna it's all gonna end up in a pit somewhere thrown away right like we we we've all seen it I mean garbage I mean five years I'll be tired of it I'll throw it away whereas when I invest Kingdom L I get to invest with eternal rewards and that's what a gift that we get to not waste our lives we get to spend them on on what really matters and I mean and Jesus's investment advice to his disciples after the Rich Young Ruler walked away was there's a h hundredfold return for those who have left home and house and and left their resources at my feet for this gospel to spread I mean that's a good return I you don't have to be in finance to know a h hundredfold return is really good that's right that's right what about testimonies how does contentment affect my testimony and I know you talk about this hope that is in you this hope that's you know pouring out of you if you can talk about that difference uh that testimony that is one of Hope yeah Peter always mentions always be prepared to give an reason for the hope that's in you and so I think we that makes us spend a lot of times oh I've got to be prepared with my like defense of of Jesus where I I find it interesting you know if you asked a room of a hundred people how many people have actually come up to you and said tell me about your hope you know because unfortunately I don't think Christians are much more hopeful than the non-Christian walking down the street and so being a hopeful person is the first part of our apologetic as a Christian that we shine in the universe so brightly because we're actually hopeful and it doesn't make sense look we're facing the same cultural issues we're facing the same family issues as other people we're facing the same um raising kids being hard issues that other people are facing we're facing the same money issues other people are facing yet we walk through this world as people of Hope and it should cause our neighbor to be like hey wh why are why are you so hopeful what's going on with your life johnie entada if you know her story she um you know she's been a paraplegic for most of her life um and she said that when Christians who suffer um shine contentment to those around them they're kind of like Moses with a burn Burning Bush when he saw that burning bush it was on fire but it wasn't being consumed and it made Moses turn and say what's going on here and that we as Christians have the opportunity when we're essentially being burned up but not consumed to to to be so confusing to the watching world that they say hey what's what's going on with you why why are you you look like you're you're being burned up but you're not consumed why what's what's what's different in your life so our our lives are this testimony a contented life is a deep testimony to the watching world that something's different and I want to know what that that what what that person has that I so desperately need and so I think we can never discount um that being content is actually the first part of of an Evangelistic message and that's exciting to think about so it's not just so I feel good about my life it's actually glorifying God to be content I mean what a challenging word is is is anyone coming up to you asking where is your hope coming from and and we should all be prepared you know so many times we we think well if my testimony is good enough they'll find Christ somehow in the darkness it's like no we should be prepared as Peter said that we should be able to say here was my testimony before but Jesus came into my life and therefore everything is radically different for me and so if you've noticed any hope if you've noticed anything out of the ordinary it's because of his work inside of me and what I love is this testimony is in the Old Testament and it's in the New Testament when we are grateful for our Salvation when we're just grateful for the Lord you see this with back to Moses with the Israelites so generous and giving that Moses has to tell the people to stop giving and then you see the first century Church giving and selling their land and selling their possession so much that the Roman Empire is curious and when we have um a testimony of Hope and we have a testimony of contentment it makes the world Wonder um turning it towards again we have people that don't only just own a business they work inside of business but I know this is so common