Parenting With Hope w/ author Melissa Kruger | Word First

[Music] welcome to the love that for you podcast where every week you're invited to dream big laugh often and celebrate the extraordinary stories of those who Inspire your story matters and I love that for you this podcast episode is sponsored by TurnKey Solutions Network they are a family-owned and operated residential Remodeling Company serving the Charlotte and surrounding areas this husband and wife team has years of experience and strive to ensure quality workmanship and customer satisfaction I personally can attest to this because Daniel and Taylor came into my studio and helped me completely demolish a wall that stood in between two bedrooms and made it one large studio space they did all of this work in one week it's if you've seen my studio it is insan Taylor is ready to walk you through your project design step by step from material and paint color selection to tile and Cabinetry layout you are never alone throughout this process Taylor Works closely with the installation Crews to make sure your vision comes completely to life Daniel her husband will manage your entire project from beginning to end from getting materials on site and prepping before demo to installing the last mirror or shelf you will have a member of their team checking in every every step of the way TurnKey Solutions Network also works with diyers and other contractors through their retail store where you can Source your materials at a competitive price they carry an exclusive selection of tile and have an expansive collection of flooring and Cabinetry options TurnKey Solutions Network offers free estimates and can turn your dream into reality again I've seen it happen in my own life they can do it for you too give them a call at 7044 [Music] 41785 or find them on Facebook at TurnKey Solutions Network today on love that for you we get to chat with my friend and personal Mentor Melissa Krueger she has actually been on the podcast before and we talked all about relationships and mentoring and if we need it and why we need it and it's such a good episode so go back and listen to that one if you haven't yet and then in today's conversation we're talking all about her brand new book parenting with hope you do not want to miss this one whether you have little kids at home you have teenagers at home you're a parent with grown adult children or you're like me and you're single and not married yet and no kids are in your home this book is for you it is such a great message that Melissa shares in this book and I cannot wait for you to listen to our conversation so here's my friend Melissa I feel like you were just here I know doesn't it feel like you're just here I was talking about your life and and all your books and yes now I got a new book was it I don't even know I should have looked it up before I just said that comment Melissa Krueger welcome back to the love that for you podcast thanks for having me you're in my studio it's so fun I love hanging out with you I know and we should do one from the back porch oh my goodness live from the back porch yes also I have not told you this so everyone listening we went walking the other day okay I've been working out I'd like to think of myself as like uh like getting my way to be a fit person I don't know if it was the hills or the speed but something like right behind my right no it's fine I just was like what is that out way out like three days later I was like oh my goodness like the biggest knot behind my leg so I don't know what muscle that was but there are some hills in my neighor I think it was the hills because I mean that one there's some there's some hills because I went running with a friend but it was like all very flat and then with you I think and we also just got like so deep in the conversation I wasn't even thinking and we were just like moving as fast as her mind was going anyway if I say no to walking with you next time you know why I'm just kid like she she's she's gonna make me go up those Hills again how would you come over to my neighborhood I know is it flat around here yeah super flat well if you go back into the neighborhoods back there it gets a little hilly but the shopping center area is pretty flat okay that's good um now that we got that worked out now that we got that all figured out y' can come walk with us yes wait no MM I'm gonna be so selective of that that is my precious time with you uhuh um okay I am so excited that you're here because you have a brand new book that just released called parenting with hope and we're going to dive all into this book but I told you before we press record that I have a bunch of questions that I want to kind of just like rapid fire at you and I'm hoping that there's at least like two or three of them that you've not heard before okay but now I'm going to be now a little scar I'm going to feel like a poor question asker if you're like Morgan I've literally answered every one of these on a podcast interview I'm sure I haven't I'm sure I haven't I hope not if you want to lie and be like that is a great question I've never heard that before just kidding please don't please don't lie um okay but before we dive into the book how are you doing tell me what is happening like what is happening in life right now it's crazy we talked about this yeah it's crazy so this book came out in April I have a devotional coming out in May which we talked about and a Bible study in June and a big conference that you're coming to TGC w24 with 10,000 of our best friends all coming together we should give your listeners a discount code we could probably do that really yeah I bet we can totally do that that would be I'll give my discount code which I know which is I do know it it's Melissa 25 all in capsa 25 all in caps so your audience could use it and it gets them $25 off wait I didn't even use that oh bummer sorry it's fine we'll let the listeners use it talked I mean I'm not gonna be like hey Melissa I'm gonna sign up for this event do you have to have a coupon code you should have asked for code Melissa 25 okay Melissa perfect okay so all the things we got books devotionals that big conference I'm very excited about that conference I went to my first TGC conference but I've not yet been to the all women's one so I'm very excited it's fun to be a part of that it's really fun it's going to be so good well Okay cool so let's just dive into this because I want to hear your answers for some of these questions so um for the book so the first one I have and these are like kind of in order I feel like so we'll just go for it so this book parenting with hope is I've read it it's phenomenal I really enjoyed reading it um I actually have a couple Pages tabbed that we can like go to because I want to talk about like specific quotes that you talked about too um but this is all about raising teenagers like biblically in a Christlike way so for believers if right I don't maybe you should be giving the bio to the book no that's exactly right yeah yeah so I would love to know what the most difficult part of writing this book was for you because you are a mom right now raising teenagers so was this easy for you to write because you feel like you're in the thick of it or was it difficult and what was the most difficult part of it yeah uh it was excruciating to write um I have a 17year old a 20-year-old and a 23y old and so I started writing it probably when Kate was 15 so maybe 18 and 21 um it's the hardest book I've written and it's it's not because um my kids are so hard you it's not like this oh I'm telling their stories I'm actually not telling their stories and so I I really wanted to guard their stories because I'm trying to talk about how to be the parent of a teen but I really believe in privacy with our kids yeah and so you're trying to write from a place of understanding of why it's hard without sharing the stories that they faced or the things they've gone through because I think that that deserves to be their story and when they want to talk about things they can um but I'm also walking through a lot of friends who are dealing with excruciating things you know just really not easy I mean some friends have told me things that I'm like I've never even heard of that I don't know what that is and but I'm going to walk through it with you and so when you have Toddlers and you talk about like Tantrums everybody's like yeah you know we've all seen the mom at the store with the Tantrum but some of things going on are really unshareable and like a small group and then so you say something like well it's just really hard and you know people have different levels of understanding of what they think that is they might not realize that meant you were in the ER wondering whether or not your kid needs to be put into a mental health unit this week you like I'm walking with friends who are making those choices you know and they're like figuring out should they go to this Camp not camp but this treatment facility for drug use like they're dealing with really hard things and you can't just always share that like on your Facebook feed right they're not being false by what they show on their Facebook feed but we all should know or Instagram it's always a limited story yeah and so I think what I I didn't want the words I was writing to cause anyone harm meaning to make any parent feel like what I did cause this that wasn't you know the goal was how do we walk with God in this season right that was the longest answer to that that was fantastic well that leads right into my next question is what is the best case scenario of this book like what would make you the happiest what type of outcome could there be with somebody reading this book that's I have not been asked that question yes yes yes um here I would love for the mom of a 10-year-old to read this book and to just go into the teen years one with a little more excitement a little more hope and a little more focus on herself not her child so it's so tempting to be like what am what you know what is this kid becoming who are they becoming and maybe and I'm not saying so focus on yourself a little more I'm actually saying that she would be encouraged to focus on God a little more right and not herself not her teen but to really focus on God so you know it's funny it's a book about parenting teens but it's really a book about being a human yeah like it it could be appli it could be applied to work it could be applied to marriage like you know a lot of the things I discuss in there are about how do you walk in your life as a fully present person depending upon God whatever you're facing right I mean as someone who is single not married no kids yet I learned so much from this book you know and okay so this is one thing that actually had marked on page 166 it says when our kids fail it's not just a situation to deal with or a problem to solve it's an opportunity to teach our children about God's grace in a powerful way and I read that and I'm thinking I need this like what a beautiful example for me that when I mess up or when I don't know what to do I can look to God and see the grace that he has given me absolutely like we all we all need that so much absolutely and so it's things like that that you realize and as a parent you're messing up constantly and so how am I a person who's walking with the Lord I think I think the difference when you get to Parenting and this is our all of our mistake is we all of a sudden think we're supposed to know what we're doing right and we don't yeah you know like meaning you know you think oh I'm I'm the adult in the room I remember feeling that way sometimes I'm like I don't know what I'm doing right and so the reality is we're all children who need our heavenly father right and we need him we need his mercy and his grace right I was recently listening to a podcast where a couple was talking about how they met and how and their wedding and now they're like a few years into marriage and they were like when we got married like when we were standing at the altar and we said I do and we kiss each other and we walk down the aisle like nothing changed like we were legally married but we don't just know how to be married like we are still now figuring out how to be husband and wife yes it's like I knew that but also that's such a good point yes and same thing with like parenting or any stage of life that's right like now I'm learning how to be the parent of a 23y old yeah right because you've never done that before never done that before you know so this life thing is hard right like no matter what season you're in you know it's like oh I'm learning to be a 30y old or I'm learning to be a 40-year-old I'm learning to be a like you I I think I thought at every season I'd look ahead and I would I would know what I was doing then yeah right I'm pretty convinced now I'm gonna be an 80y old and I'm gon be like huh first time I've ever been an 80y old here I am but you just look back and you're like you know what I believe I did the best that I could with the tools and the knowledge and the resources I had that's right and clinging to Grace exactly exactly okay the next part is kind of a two-parter question talking about distractions so what do you think is the biggest distraction from parents raising teens today and then we're going to flip it and I'd love to know your opinion on what is the biggest distraction um facing teenagers today so parents parenting teens and then facing teens I think almost one of the biggest distractions is the amount of information we have and so when I look at my little phone and I look at Instagram and I see what you're doing or what someone else is doing I can immediately be scrolling and I'm feeling failure all day long whatever it might be so it could be you know I mean it could be a simple thing like I remember one fall everyone is going apple picking and I'm like oh my gosh I did not get the memo we have not been apple picking I am failing as a human whatever because it looks like everyone out there and then just the other day a friend was like we're going Strawberry Picking and I'm like people do that I didn't know if you told me if you asked me what time of year do you go strawberry picking I would not tell you I would not know like these are things right so and then all of a sudden though now you're looking at your life and you're like so we have this information overload yeah coming at us of opportunity right so there are so many opportunities that I think it can distract parents of teenagers from the Simplicity of what is needed yeah and here's what I would say is needed yeah I'd call it the basics in the book um you need to be in the word you need to be in prayer and you need to be in church huh okay thank you for giving me a three-point like simple yeah base my life build my foundation on those yeah because I think there's so many good things we could do yes that it can get swallowed up in the best things we need to do right so there's so much out there it's like how do I get through all the opportunity that's calling it's like going to you know eat yogurt now is like oh my goodness it it's like a panic attack ready to happen cuz 25,000 yogurts to choose from right and that's kind of how life feels whereas when you hear okay the important chunks of your life yeah you need to be in God's word you need to be a prayerful parent and you need to go to church that's going to change your parenting yeah and you're probably already doing it right you know and I can say with full confidence do those things and everything else will fall into place it's okay if you never go apple picking I have gone apple picking with my kids but it is okay if you don't that's really good and I think the point of just about there being too much information um leads to another thing that you said that I think can play really well into this on page 69 it says understanding our teens perspective is a vital part of creating a warm environment where faith and questions about faith can flourish so it's like understanding that you and me being on our phones having all this information thrown at us and we're full grown adults we're not teenagers with all this information so now we have to figure out how to parent how to Mentor how to guide and Lead these children and teenagers when we did not have the information that they have so in a way like parenting today is different than it was 20 years ago because life is so different yep I would actually yeah rarely say oh we're in a historic moment yeah because I feel like it's so dramatic right you know like we always are like well I mean you know World War II seemed pretty rough like when people act like the sky is falling I'm like huh the sky literally was falling and like they're bombing people regularly whatever however we never had access to this much information like that is truly unique at any historical moment what you have on your phone I mean you can find out more data you can find out I mean what's happening around the world like when my son was in Malaysia this summer I could could GPS locate him his phone and see where he was like that's crazy that I could have that kind of access and you know like I was looking at all my kids where they were all around the world and I could find them I mean that's unprecedented and it really is a little bit overwhelming that we can know about the earthquake that hit here we can know about the war that's breaking out there we can know about the famine that's happening I mean that's overwhelming and our kids are having to process that so I do think that is contributing to the rise in anxiety that we see the spikes in this this feeling of not being in control of their environment and I think the second thing that hits that is it's a more secular age than ever so we don't have a culture that is saying hey God is in control of the world we can trust him we should pray to him we have a culture that's kind of saying hey we have to change this right we you know it's up to you up to you it's up to you you do you you own your own truth you are your own superhero and it's that's terrifying a lie yeah but they're painting it like this is the most strength filled individualistic thing and it's like actually if we all are our own Heroes then there's no camaraderie in that there's no community in that there's no growth in that yeah rather than hearing you're made in the image of loving God who at every moment of your life even when hard things are happened is somehow working all things for good wow that's a hopeful message like we have that to give our kids the world is giving them terribly bad advice yeah that is leading them on all sorts of bad paths and you know it's not helping them right next question what is one thing that you'd want your teen to say about you in the way that you've parented oh I'm going to cry you're going to make me cry um immediately I'm like oh I'm gonna cry I just wanted them to want to come home you know we go we have tissues it's okay I know all feelings are acceptable here you know you want to have created such a loving place that home is always good yeah and I see that and that they love to be around each other I mean it's just the happiest thing and you know so I just would want them to say I wanna I want to come home and this is where I feel the most freed up to be me yeah I think sometimes like we go back to our homes of origin and we're like this is where my worst self shows up you know I mean I I Retreat to teenage Melissa um sometimes in my interactions and I I want them to just be able to come home and feel at ease with who they are and know that they're loved that's really beautiful stop stop crying I haven't cried on any podcast about par yes so you done it you done it you done it um okay another slightly turning it question thinking through and this has a lot to do with um at church we've been going through the Beatitudes and so it's just been something that's on my mind a lot because additionally with church and my community group we're talking about it so I just feel like all throughout the week I'm thinking through these Beatitudes and um words like hope and grace and mercy and compassion and love I'm thinking through these words and they are such grace-filled words given from God from a well that never runs dry but at the same time they are words that our world World also uses our world says to extend mercy and to give Grace to people and to love people and show compassion so my question is what is the difference between Christian parent parenting as a Christian showing mercy and Grace and compassion to your child versus non-christians still claiming that they're showing love grace and mercy and compassion to their children like what is that difference difference yeah absolutely and I might even couch it a little bit of what's the difference maybe what between permissive like just being a permissive home and a Grace filled home because because I think sometimes in the world mercy and Grace is just is the equivalent of you do you you know permissive whatever whatever is good you do you so it's like almost like they're not giving it the actual right definition to what it truly is that's exactly right so it's kind of like oh yeah our home's incredibly gracious we let our kids do whatever they want that's actually not a gracious home because to be gracious you have to have a standard that's good you know there has to be a standard that someone didn't live up to right for you to extend grace and mercy you know it's not like there has to have been a wrong done and we're so uncomfortable with saying there was something wrong done yeah so you're you're just saying it's okay whatever you do love you well you know we can say that but that's actually just being permissive like whatever you want in life I'm going to be here for you right that's permissive versus saying hey there is a standard but you know what I don't live up to it either um and we're going to have to be partners in Grace you're going to need to give me Grace I'm gonna have to give you Grace right and then and I think that's way more hopeful right it is way more hopeful and it's UL Ely not coming from yourself because me just extending something from me like it's not going to go super far cuz I can only do so much that's right but yeah we're teaching them how God will receive them right you know and and we're teaching them why Christ is needed yeah you know I mean how can kids accept the gospel if they always think I never do anything wrong right yeah whereas I think in our inner being we all know something's not not right with the world right yeah we we all know and we all know something's not right with the world and we all know something's not right with us right and so the Christian message is inherently hopeful right because it it explains that yeah it explains why it happened and it explains what do we do from there yes I I mean no other religion offers that kind of Hope right the fact that we're told that those who we give Mercy because we have received that mercy and it's like our eyes have been open to the fact that we need mercy so then when our eyes are open to that we can receive that but then after we have received it it's like okay well now you go out and you give that same Mercy to others that's right that's right so good yeah it's an extension I had that written down just as a statement I said just through my thoughts I was thinking through these questions after reading I just said it seems as though that the healthiest Christian parents are those who whose individual walks with Christ is a priority to them and it's those people who have realized what they have received is then going to affect how they parent because it's going to come from a place of well I've been given so much so I need to extend that to my children that's right whereas the most unhealthy parenting situations is a parent who is so empty yeah that they're trying to fill themselves from their child so whether it's they need their child's love their child's approval their child to be successful their child to you know represent them well y that's actually from a place of emptiness so if I'm being filled up with Christ's love for me now I'm going to be emotionally stable right so that I'm not placing my worth in my team it's one of the hardest burdens we can put on our team yeah you know if I if how you're doing is representative of me that that's just an amazing burden to put on any other human right right like or even their performance being like dependent on your love like that is that's terrible yes to have to perform from that place of well I have to do this so that they love me or accept me that's right that's right I have a few situational questions because I would imagine there's a lot of different types of people listening to this podcast and a lot of different types of people reading the book so my first one is a firsttime mom is listening to this podcast and while this resource is a huge encouragement to her it also feels extremely overwhelming that she now has to do all of these things in this way how does she view this as a gift from God to parent her child and not a checklist that's great I think um there are probably a lot of people out there who are going to give you oh do this do this do this and again this is where I hope it's simpler like my my real hope for them is be a Christian yeah like just live what you believe don't add anything you know because if you are first taking in God's word now you're receiving Divine wisdom anything I'm telling you I'm finite yeah you're finite don't listen to me right like go read the Bible right you is what I want to say turn off the podcast stop listening to us just open your Bible Bible because that's you know I mean I don't know how it does what it does but I know it's living and active and I know it's words are doing things that my words can't do that's right and then we have the opportunity to pray so here's the thing I mean I was the worse at this as a mom you know I would read the blogs I would go and figure out all the thing what's wrong with my kid you know ex and you try to figure it all out and I'm like I haven't even prayed about this and you know I had one friend she was going through there was this very odd disease her child basically had had and had contracted and all of the and we prayed for her like finally we all prayed for her all these things were going on that next week she sat next to someone at a random event whose child was going through the EXA exact really rare thing and that conversation led to her child getting the help her child needed to get oh my well surely God ordained even who she's going to be sitting beside at this it the event was not about children it was not about parenting it it just so happened so we you when we ask the Lord to help the advice may come from some random place we had we weren't going for that purpose right the Lord can ordain that when we cry out to him so we have Divine wisdom through his word we have Divine help through prayer yeah and then we have a Divine community Through the church yeah like the spirit is alive so you might say something to me that totally impacts everything about my week with my kid and you no idea we're just in a small group or whatever right you're just sharing what you're learning from God's word and you might have no idea how the spirit used that in my life those three things it's not you know it's not about adding all this to-dos and the Lord will work through through those three elements I feel like in our life and I call them the foundations of just building a home yeah that's incredibly encouraging and I'm thinking of how God is our father and how we have an example through Jesus like we're told like he was tempted as we were like he knows what it feels like to be human so even just having that personal relationship of yes you're praying to a God who can change things but you're praying to a God who is Father like he really knows yeah and that should be so comforting that that feels so comforting to know that that's right and and he's available right you know he is your phone of friend you do not know what to do and the model you set in that in life will be the best example for your kids that modeling is going to speak a thousand sermons to them yeah you know and and but but here's the thing you know we talked about this this is just how to live as a Christian you know yeah I if you want to do a single season season of signal this well what would I tell you be in the word be in prayer yeah be in church Church I'd give the same advice if if you're you know a widow and you want to do that well yeah I'd say be in the word be in prayer be in the church but I mean this is just a foundation anything we want to do and this is Psalm one yeah blessed is the man who doesn't Delight in the evil you know sit in the seat of M all that but his Delight is in the law of the Lord and on it he meditates day and night whatever he does prospers yeah you he's like a tree planted by streams of water whatever he does prospers that's the you that's the wisdom for life this is how we flourish as people so it's it's not really particular to Parenting yeah it's just you know with that direction in this book yeah that's so good okay next one for our situational types of questions parents are listening whose children or reading the book whose children are grown adults and out of the house and they hear like this they read books like this and they feel discouraged by the way that they parented is it too late for them to show what true biblical parenting looks like what does reconciliation look like between adult parent adult children and their parents yeah I think um all of us are going to feel that about our parenting in certain ways and I just think can feel free to learn how to give a good apology and a good apology can heal a lot of things so if you messed up in the teen years and all the thing yeah we could have done all the things wrong we could have been overly strict we could have been overly permissive whatever right I think wow to go to your to go to your kid who might be 35 and say I just want you to know I really regret and say exactly what you regret like keep it specific give a good apology don't I mean it can be a little bit guilty don't yeah I mean I always there are things you could say like I know I wasn't a good enough parent that's not an apology right yeah that that's kind of this like emotional something I'm sure there's you're just trying to cover your bases I'm sure there's a counselor name for what that is and that's not what I'm talking about like I'm hey I wish when you know I wish when you were growing up we had gone to church every week I'm really sorry we didn't do that yeah just say I'm sorry you know and it's amazing that that's we have a place when we feel convicted the Lord has told us what to do ask God for forgiveness ask our team for for you know who might be 30 now just ask for forgiveness and I can only imagine how transformative that would be for that 30y old 35-year-old to hear that that's right and then that's going to and change like help them as they parent their children that's right okay so here's a little bit of flip the script for you what if the adult child is listening to this and they're like okay well I feel hurt from my parent but I'm the one listening to this podcast oh that's good like I don't think they're ever going to come apologize to me but I feel hurt and now I'm raising my kids and I feel like I'm doing it in the right biblical way but you know there's almost like a little feeling of that trauma there from how they were raised that's right well one I would say don't have to raise your kids the same way your parents raised you so there's Hope just you may be fearful of that you may be like oh I came from a bad pattern situation yeah my parents always did x y and z um so one I I would say it's always good to work through that you know and really think through it it might be good to talk to a counselor about it especially certain scenarios are really bad if there was abuse or anything like that it's good to work through because it might come out in your parenting in ways you're not even aware but then I think it's also good to be humble and be kind to your parents and say wow you know I don't know what I'm doing most days either and so they may not have done it right um they might not have done everything I would do but as much as you can to have compassion back to them and they might never say I'm sorry and they might never get it you know and like that's that's a reality and I think we can extend graciousness and kindness yeah even when there's not understanding right and that's I think that's okay but um thankfully we do have a perfect parent but the only one we have is God yeah because even the best of parents you know are making mistakes my kids I don't know what they'll be in counseling for but I'm sure they will you know and yeah and just just to be willing to listen I mean as the parent to be able to say oh yeah we did we did have a lot of we did make this mistake in our family if I can be that way as a parent but also to be that way as a as a child of a family that maybe wasn't perfect that there are situations where parents were not being loving I mean there you know again abusive situations are just really hard and I think that's something to work through and but I think you can still be hopeful in that you don't have to parent your that way God really can break those patterns of behaviors I saw it in a lot of ways with my own dad I mean he came from a hard family situation and he was the best dad you know he was kind I mean my grandfather I think was just pretty tough on them and my dad always like I drove a better car than my dad you know I mean like he always put us first and so I've seen those patterns be broken and they really can be broken I think like showing like extending Grace and what you're were saying um I'm even thinking like is it possible I think it's possible you can even get to a point like while you're working through it after you've worked through whatever you need to work through to even get to that point to be able to forgive without them saying I'm sorry will you forgive me because I've been in a scenario where I it hasn't been with a parent but it's been with somebody else and I was hurt and that apology did not come but then I was able because of the Lord's Grace 100% only that I was able to get to a point where I was like you know what I want to forgive them and and then months later they said hey what I did was wrong and I'm sorry would you forgive me and I'm just like yes and not only will I forgive you like I've already forgiven you because had I not come to a point of that forgiveness I would have lived that number of months like still just kind of holding on to that and so I think that that is could be encouraging for someone too is like or for someone who's maybe their parents have passed away and so like that apology is never going to come but it is still something that you can work through and you can still get to a point where the Lord can allow you to extend that Grace and forgiveness that's right that's right and walk in Freedom I mean I think that's because in some ways your heart was already prepared right when that person came yeah you know you were like oh yes you know I'm I'm already there and I think the more we can just again keep in Forefront our own need of Grace We're going to see our parents before us with a lot more compassion yeah my um okay I have two more but I feel like they kind of can all be answered in the same way um do you have any additional advice for the single parent who's trying to raise their kids in a christ-like way but it just feels so overwhelming doing it alone yeah I mean one I I really do believe like surely the Lord is your help in a special way I mean and I hope um I would say those initial things again I feel repetitive of the word prayer and church but especially the church and this is where I would say churches need to show up for single moms and single dads Because the body can be what some sometimes the the physical family isn't so your kids are going to still need fathers and mothers yeah and hopefully that's what the church calls them yeah you know my mother in the faith or my father in the faith or my sister in the faith the church can fill some of those not in the same way it's I mean it's always going to be hard and broken and there are a lot of different reasons you know it's it's can be hard in its own way if it's divorc it can be hard in its own way if it was death but it always means loss right it means loss for the kids it mean loss for you to do it alone and you probably feel alone um but I think the the beauty of in this world I have to face every day the reality that my existence could change tomorrow I could be a single parent tomorrow you know we we are guaranteed nothing the only thing I'm guaranteed is that the Lord has said I will never leave or forsake you that's my only guarantee and so I think the the reality is no one parents alone we all have Divine help he is with us um but single parents have to have to know that in a different way um and I know that's got to be hard just each day to do it on your own not just in the hard things but even in the good things because you want to share the good things with someone too you know it's just it's just a different different way of going through it but I do hope and I would my biggest encouragement in that would be that the church steps up to love families in our midst well that's a good that's a good call to the church to show up in that way that's really beautiful all right think the final question well one of the final questions then we have a fun question we'll take another hard right turn into that as a single woman what does it look like for someone like me to be in the lives of teenagers and while not overstepping and parenting still offering Christlike advice and wisdom to help them as they grow oh yeah I mean I feel like you can do what parents cannot do I actually would love anyone listening who is in that season of life you are way cooler than I am yeah I mean you're way more interesting to to to a teenager I mean really than their parent you can speak truth in their life in a way that they will listen um because I mean it's just it's just really this is the beauty of the body yeah and this is where I love how um I've watched this happen it's it's a blessing on every level right because it makes you feel part of a family to know teenagers well it makes the team feel part of the church to know a single person in the church because again all of y'all look really cool anyone with a stroller doesn't for a minian yeah you know they're like I don't want to talk to those people they're all parents they all quickly to a teenager become parents right whereas like you have access in a way and can do fun things and might actually have a fun life like go to a concert every now and again and do interesting things that the teen looks at is like oh yeah you like the same musician I like yeah I mean whatever way you can connect um and just to get coffee at fun places to go you know all of those things the teen is realizing hey this is someone who's Walking with God and isn't my parent and it makes a huge impression I mean I actually prayed that for all of my kids for mentors to be in their lives who would just be a stage ahead or two ahead who were just showing them hey I'm working a job and I'm following Jesus and this is important in my life so that they don't think it's just for parents right you or whatever so I I think I mean I think we we need you you desperately in the teen years like single you know men and women to invest in these teens yeah you know if you can and sometimes it can get rough out there yeah yeah and I'm even thinking too like I mean I would love to be married someday but it almost can be encouraging and good for a teenager to see me living single yes contently living life and doing all the fun things and yes you know like I am fine like I'm fine y I would like lots of things we all would like lots of things so it can also be you know I have a particular niece and she used to ask me all the time this was years ago but every time we hung out where's your husband why are you not married you should be married well mom had three kids by the time that she was your age like just all these questions and it's like read the room read the room but but now it's like oh Morgan's the cool a Morgan does this Morgan does this it's like okay well I don't want to go too heavy that like I still would like a family but but being almost that like hey the end goal while marriage is an awesome gift I'd love to have it having a family is an awesome gift I'd love to have it the end goal is knowing Christ the end goal is becoming more like Christ and that's going to happen for different people in different ways so I just want to Steward where I am now well and for teenagers to see where I am now doing a hopefully good job that's right and that they need that story because that might be their story exactly exactly because my kids only have me so I got married at 23 yeah my husband got married at 26 that's not normative anymore at all right so if they think that's the timeline they need to see lots of different timelines yeah they need to know so and so this was their timeline so and so is this yeah like they just need to see a lot of options out there and so again that's where the church makes up the family of God we need the church desperately so that they see your story doesn't have to look like your parents it doesn't have to look like any yeah I mean but to see lots of different stories being lived out that's the beauty of the church yeah so good so good okay in addition to the book you also have a study guide can you kind of just explain to us what is the purpose of the study guide who is your like dream group going through is this like a group thing is this what you do with your family how does the study guide work what is your intention with it I would love to see a group of moms get together or actually it's for moms and dads so I particularly I mean I purposefully wrote this not mothering with hope but parenting with hope because I think I would love you know really it's just a curriculum to go through to talk about hey how are we doing this you know to really take what's in the chapter and actually think through it biblically so in the study guide you're going to look up the scriptures you're going to write out your answers and it's going to be in your life versus the book you know I have to speak in generalities sure so if this is going on whereas the study guide is going to actually ask what's your biggest concern with your teen today you how could you pray about that you what verse could you apply to that situation it's going to actually get in the weeds or hey when you look at you know your kids activity list what you know when they're falling asleep at the dinner table is there something you should cut from their activity list you know or whatever it's going to get a little more personal okay that sounds great for like groups to be able to use I actually know specifically my sister is leading a group and of women and they're all going through this right now I don't think I had told you that no I didn't know that that's so fun we know there's at least one that's great so that's great I'm sure there are so many more uh well this has been incredible is there anything else about the book that you'd like to say that we haven't said yet thanks so great questions you did ask different questions good that makes me so oh that makes me so glad to hear um where can people find you on socials and where can people find the book yeah um Melissa beer.com I think it's. um they can find me at the Gospel Coalition I right over there bunch and if they want to come in person then come to Indie with us and find us at TGC w24 be so fun 10,000 other people yeah just a few other thousands of people best book story you'll ever find and an Olympic uh swim team oh yeah the Olympic Swim trials is happening that's I'm fascinated I'm like are we gonna be seeing people in Speedos running around I don't know I just got too [Music] excited where is Morgan for this session I thought she signed up for this session yikes Yik watching the trials that's what I'm loving right now okay well Melissa last question I need to ask you what are you loving right now I know you're going to ask me that I'm like what am I loving what am I loving um okay I'm gonna go you I don't know if you had one of these when you came to my house did you have a lime rookie when you came that day no no okay it's what I made for Courtney okay um it's my favorite little drink at the end of the day these days it's a squeeze of lime some raspberry syrup like the kind you get that would go in a coffee or whatever raspberry lime raspberry syrup and club soda and it makes me really happy just sounds refreshing it it's really refreshing we got them up in Maine last summer we went to Maine for a girl girlfriend's 50th birthday okay we stayed in the most lovely little Coastal main town and there's this you walk to town and they made us lime Ricky every so that's like the official name yeah I think I mean yeah and so it's limee this raspberry and club soda and it's just kind of a happy I'm going to go home and have one have you been to Sips and dips no I have not la la yeah you need to add this to your list because they it's just like a soda shop but they do so they have all different drinks I mean a hundred there's so many it's overwhelming or you can like build your own but they have different bases so you could do a Coke base you could do Dr Pepper base but you could do a sparkling water base you could do a fresa base you could do Still Water base so you can go as healthy or plain or as Centric as you want but so many like you could make that drink there and even add in some other syrups that's good and on Thursdays I think this is still true you can go if I'm wrong oops you can go um on Thirsty Thursdays and take your Stanley or any cup that's like a Stanley size and they'll fill it up for I think the price of a small and they'll just fill up your Stanley okay that's a good deal yeah and I do have to say the club soda matters a lot yeah we need spritzy spritzy club soda so the best I have found is the Trader Joe's their bottled is actually has good sprits there's another one at Harris Teeter and I can't remember it comes in a blue glass bottle and it's really really good yes um but it's not the Saratoga one is it it is that's it okay I love that one it's got a good Spritz the Spritz level really matters can you tell how much I love this I do this actually yeah I know I come over you don't want like a you know our next podcast we record will be on your porch and we'll be sipping those that's good Melissa thanks for coming on the show this has been so fun me so fun thanks for listening to this episode friends if you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did make sure to subscribe leave a review and share the love with your friends and family remember life is all about the stories we create and share so let's keep spreading inspiration and positivity see you next week [Music]